Love and Heartbreak

poems and songs

Crossroads: Parting of a Friend (4/1996)
under my cloud (12/1996)
Wisdom (1/1997)
Disease of Your Affection (11/16/1996)
now i know there's no hope (1/1997)
thought it was love (2/1997)
Mc Donalds Girl (3/1997)
will i ever love again (3/30/1997)
the hardest thing to do in life is say goodbye (3/30/1997)
you're a distraction part 1 (12/1/1997)
you're a distraction part 2 (12/1/1997)
perfect (4/25/1998)
Closing My Determined Eyes (4/28/1998)
dampening eyes (6/22/1998)
untitled (6/28/1998)
the want to be wanted (11/1998)
still thinking of you (4/7/2000)
how does one say "i love you" (7/2/2000)
humid eyes (8/21/2003)
fantasy vacation (9/2003)
i kick myself (9/2003)
my three years with her (8/19/2003)

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Crossroads: Parting of a Friend
* this poem dedicated to Kelly Kytola

A tear comes to mind, when I think of you
And remember the time when our friendship was new.
A gentle smile centered on your face,
And I knew that then was the time and place,
To kiss you, I did and felt a tick back in my heart.
I thought we'd be forever and never part,
But now we have come to a fork in the road,
Where we must no longer carry each other's load,
Let the burden off our shoulders and not leave a scar,
For the paths we are taking are very far apart.
I will remember always the places we went,
And cherish forever the time we've spent.
So now is the time where I say goodbye,
Spend one last minute lost in your eyes.
As much as I know that we can't stay,
I hope our paths will cross again some other day.

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
under my cloud

shadow of doubt
clouds over my mind
make my decision
I need more time

disease in my head
feelings toward you
skin so soft
eyes so blue

cloud over my head
holds back my luck
drained of affection
I pay for a fuck

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>

the first step to wisdom
is to know you know nothing
the way to appreciate
is to start with nothing

well all I know now
is that I don't have you
and all I posses
is my craving for you

I feel I've needed you
since the beginning of time
on my way to wisdom I ask,
will you ever be mine?

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
Disease of Your Affection

Don't lie to make me happy
I don't need a tainted charm
Your false feelings
Bring emotional harm

I am afraid of loneliness
Our love no longer true
But can I stand alone
Without leaning on you

Disease of your affection
Penetrating me
Your beauty like a virus
Attacking violently

Not to worry, I'll be fine
I'll make it through the day
But when tomorrow comes
I'll have the courage to walk away

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
now i know (there's no hope)

you don't even know the pain i feel
when i start to question what is real
i know you're the cause
my lust for you gnaws
its way, through my brain
and i'm here, alone standing
by myself, with tears of understanding
rolling down my cheeks

now i know my bended
heart won't be mended
by your love....
no longer will i cry
or ask for help from up above
i don't blame thee
i blame myself for my insecurities

this time i'm really confused
about what i should do
i have this fear of never being satisfied
i can't find stable happiness,
i've tried and tried
this isn't easy,
i'm the butt of my own joke
i want some affection, this is all i hope

now i know my bended
heart won't be mended
by your love....
no longer will i cry
or ask for help from up above
and i'll live my life until i die
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied
it's not easy being the butt of your own joke
i want some affection, this is all i hope

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
thought it was love

i thought it was love
it was just bad luck
and i came to the conclusion
my love life really sucks
i'm not sure of my problem
it's gotta be me
maybe i'm too afraid
to face reality

i thought it was love
just my hormones kickin'
i look back at yesterday
oh what was i thinking

my fingers no longer count
the mistakes i have made
tears labeled why
seemed to end my day

and a beautiful girl
enters the room
her caring smile
ends my gloom
i get some affection
no longer am i broken hearted
it seems the cycle was just restarted

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
McDonalds Girl
* i want a cheese burger with no pickles, large fries, a coke and your phone number *

the food is mediocre
i'm sure my cholesterol is high
but since you work here
i eat here all the time

it's not the food that brings me back
but that soft, flirty smile
and those all-knowing eyes
the kind of things that make life worth while

to you, i'm probably just another customer
who loves the food, but i don't you see
you could overcharge for cereal and water
because anything from you would be a treat

and i'd still think about you
if you worked somewhere new
and knowing my obsessions
that restaurant would happen to serve my favorite food

so don't be afraid
i have no psychotic intentions
what seems like my stalking of you
is only a release of my affections

so i sit in a booth
and let my imaginations roam free
it's only once in one's life
to see the girl of their dreams

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
will i ever love again

will i ever love again
a question on my mind
will i ever love another
like you in this life

if it was meant to be it'll happen
this is what i am told
but i fear i won't find another
and will die alone

will i ever love again
i really miss you now
will i ever love again
thinking about it just brings me down

i wake up at night
with sweat in my eyes
my heart starts pounding
and i begin to cry

well it's better to have loved
and i still have my memories
they'll always make me happy
and set my heart at ease

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
the hardest thing to do in life is say goodbye

today i learned a lesson
that will always be true
saying goodbye to someone
is the hardest thing to do

i've never felt a loss
until i said goodbye
i thought i was strong
and i broke down and cried

never will i forget
the times we had
though the reflections are happy
it makes me rather sad

the most brutal of men
cries at the past
i only wish
the good times would last

so i humor myself
i'd smile if i could
why can't things work out?
because life isn't supposed to be that good

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
you're a distraction part 1

why do i build up feelings
that i'm not sure exist
i shouldn't insist
i've made up my vacillate mind

i don't understand
how you can be so indecisively cruel
i question if you care
for my well being, or if this
is just an illusion to
fill temporary satisfaction

it's all a distraction
to the rest of my life --
my life revolves around
my all-too-caring heart

i don't understand
how you can be so indecisively cruel
but why should i expect
you to make up your mind
when i can't make up mine

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
you're a distraction part 2

so i don't know
what i want
cuz i can't read
how you feel
wouldn't it be sad
if you're going through
the same fucking ordeal

i'm patient but
i can't wait forever
for you to decide
on what you're going to do
i just guess you don't
know what i'm emotionally
going through

you're crying for attention
it's so obvious
with those you keep around,
but is there anything i can say
is there anything i can do
i'm so afraid of fucking up
that i can't tell you
how i feel

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>

something about you
makes me remember
all of the time
we have shared together

i never knew
the truth of perfection
yet still i don't
but you're a connection

your flaws are perfect
to my eyes
a veil ignorance
your only disguise

this whole reality
seems so incessant
and all this perfection
just makes me hesitant

just so perfect
how can it be
someone like you
found someone like me

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
Closing My Determined Eyes

In my seemingly never ending quest for love
I found that you must let it find you
So I stood still and it came to me
It had been there all this time
Funny the things you miss
When you have such determined eyes

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
dampening eyes

there are some you can't let go of
the ones whom you shed a tear for
when they travel away from you
those are the ones you feel you love

then there are some that you hate to see go
but hold back your dampening eyes
when they part from your side
these are the ones you know you love

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>

the days are long
but the weeks fly by
the clock ticks
the second hand waves goodbye
the days are hot
but at night i sleep peacefully
because i know someday soon
you will be with me

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
the want to be wanted

sometimes i feel i just want to be wanted
like i thirst for the attention
but i don't even know why
then other times
i don't want to be bothered
it's not that i'm depressive
i think i'm a lot of fun
i just have changes of mood
lately things aren't satisfying
food is good, but there's nothing i crave
sex is decent, but it's only with myself
i'm not unhappy, but i don't feel joyous either
and i sit and think about what really makes me smile
usually the insignificant things
a surprise phone call
a piece of candy someone gives me
a good story told by a total stranger
and what do these things reveal
i like to be thought of
i want to be wanted

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
still thinking of you

i haven't found anyone better for me than you
and i'm too stubborn to call you on the phone
i forgot how we got in this situation
but i think about you when i'm alone

i all too often dwell on the past
though i do so less every day
it's not that i haven't moved on
you just impacted my life that way

maybe we'll see each other again
but then again maybe not
and if that chance arises
i'd like to give it a shot

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
how does one say "i love you"?

sometimes i hate my pessimism
it results in hesitism
and i get caught in a circle
that circulates through my mind
i take a breath and concentrate
make sure my emotions don't instigate
a decision i might regret
or suffer for down the line

why do my words pause with hesitation
is it my overactive imagination
that constant fear of the future
and what will happen to me
i'm uncomfortable having so much emotion
and i don't know where i got that notion
why can't it be more simple
it's my only insecurity

sometimes i feel so inundated
is it really that complicated
of course it isn't
but i've created a monster in my mind
happiness is all that matters
i say nice things not just to flatter you
you know i mean it
you're someone not easy to find

so where do all these thoughts leave me
i'm not sure but in the end i'm happy
happy to be the one
to share these thoughts with you
i hope my doubts don't complicate things
nor go overboard and start to cling
but everything will be fine
because you feel the same way too

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
humid eyes

it's so hard when you're not here
it's just as hard when you are
i hestitate my outer emotion
i don't want to cause commotion

my heart declines into my stomach
with every word i speak
i hold back my humid eyes
to keep me from going weak

it's not only the affection i crave
but the affection i crave to give
it's so hard to let it go
but in the end i'll live

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
fantasy vacation

you're back in my arms
i've missed you so
hold on tighter
don't let the moment go

i've missed your lips
pressed tightly against mine
i feel like the clouds have moved
and i can feel the sunshine

i dreamed of a fantasy vacation
where we were all alone
but reality set in
and you turned to stone

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
i kick myself

i've made the mistake
of complacency and
now i'm paying the price
i've made the mistake
of being a pussy
and trying to be too nice

and now i kick myself
for all the previous hesitations
because not being myself
has led to all of these frustrations

i don't want to live
in the past if i can help it
but the road ahead
is slippery as i drive it

i've made the mistake of stupidity
and now i kick myself
i kick myself
for when i hesitated
i kick myeslf
i'm so frustrated
i kick myself

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>
my three years with her

it was love at first sight
and it all moved so fast
you were my girlfriend
before two weeks passed

we had the best relationship
anyone could ever hope for
we shared a love
i had never felt before

it all started so fast
the end was sudden too
and my only regret is that
i couldn't make it up to you

through our years
we shared amazing times
went amazing places
i was yours, you were mine

you inspired me and
we grew up together
over time i thought
it might last forever

but towards the end
i grew complacent
you stopped being affectionate
our communication grew distant

thats's when it all fell apart
and all i'm left with
is this broken heart
(and your shit in my garage)

-Derek del Barrio   <[email protected]>

All works are copyrighted ©1995-2014 by Derek del Barrio

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